Be careful of love. It’ll twist your brain around and leave you thinking up is down and right is wrong.
repeat after me: i am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014
I only wish you the best
You have been a part of my life for almost two years. We’ve grown very close to each other. I know your habits, the way your skin feels, what makes your blood boil, and what puts a smile on your face. There are a lot of memories to look back on and smile at, but I can’t ignore the fact that you made me miserable at times. You lost my trust a month in and it wasn’t until after our one year mark did I fully trust you.. and just like that you shattered it again. As much as you made me laugh, you made me cry. Your ego and pride were placed first before me and that showed often. Even if I didn’t mean to offend you, you would make comments that targeted my heart. Everything seemed like a competition to you and you had to one-up everything I did.. whereas I only wanted to make you happy.
I wanted to shower you with kisses, hugs, presents, my time, and my love. I enjoyed the simplest of actions, like holding your hand as we drove around aimlessly. I loved the way your eyes flickered with delight as you spotted an import on your Facebook feed and the way you had to pace around the entire house while you were on the phone. I loved our mutual cravings for Dunkin Donut’s iced coffees and how I needed little to no words for you to understand what I wanted. I loved how you were when you weren’t angry. You were wonderful when you were content. But let’s not forget the things that slowly destroyed me and the things that led me to not caring anymore.
I practically had to beg you for attention. You hung up the phone on me whenever I needed you the most. You made me feel stupid for being human and having emotions. I felt unappreciated all the time. I only heard your real feelings when I was serious about leaving. Our communication skills were awful. The only thing that held us together was our sexual attraction to each other. You lied to me often and even though I knew most of the time, I made myself believe them.. and the biggest thing? I lost my mind when I was with you. You were very manipulative, controlling, and abusive. The worst part? You didn’t even know it. I became this piece of shit who was in love with someone who barely gave a damn about me. I did things I never thought I’d do. In simpler terms, I went crazy and I’m ashamed for letting an immature guy do that to me.
But I only wish you the best. May you find someone who you can respect, love, and care for as much as I did for you. Remember to always be kind.. remember there will always be differences, a past you can’t change, and opinions you can’t alter. Remember, once you find that someone that makes you happy, to love all of them and not just parts. You’re not a mistake. I’m grateful you came into my life and taught me valuable lessons.
I hope one day, if we cross paths again, that we can grab a cup of coffee and have a nice chat. There will be no hatred, no grudges, no judgment. We’ll laugh at how dumb, naive, and selfish we were. We’ll reminisce about young love and share how our lives have turned out. I know we walked out of this relationship as better people and I’m excited for your future because I know it’s bright.. as long as you remember that your pride and ego aren’t everything and it’s important to be vocal when it comes to your thoughts and feelings.
So, thank you. I’m not angry for the pain you caused, but grateful for the laughs that ached my stomach. You were a lesson well learned and I only wish happiness upon you.